@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
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@OrangeFact: ME AT HOME: I'll eat a whole pizza & a tub of ice cream for dinner ME ON A DATE: *just chewing on tree bark* this is all I need to survive
@TweetingDadGuy: When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter.
@panmidwest: ME: thanks for "showing me the ropes" lol SAILING INSTRUCTOR: you're not even making a joke sailing is literally where that comes from
@notalogin: Sportscenter, episode 542783747363467367984768474756431063389425993399064375493638386747899532689432462567953467347: Men talking animatedly.