@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
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@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.
@RelatabIe: whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can
@JKNenagh: Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun. * scans the laundromat and guess whose they are.