@howe007: If you can start the toilet paper roll without clawing it like a velociraptor then you're a wizard.
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@MelissaJoy33: Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married.
@LizHackett: If you're robbing my house, just bring a second guy to eat a pizza in front of my dog while you take whatever you want.
@HeyZeus666: Intellectual. A man who can explain electricity but doesn't know how to screw in a light bulb.
@1CarParade: If the government keeps doing nothing for much longer, it will get its own reality show on E!