@calamitydaisy: If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?
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@MasonCrossBooks: My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream...
@ComedicBust: [at a wake] WIDOW: [crying uncontrollably] ME: [putting my arm around her] I saw you double dip that chip earlier.
@LizHackett: Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.