@calamitydaisy: If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?
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@Pundamentalism: Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
@Burtslorp: *Jesus looks over bill from last supper* "It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver." "I got this!" Judas yells, almost too quickly.
@BobTheSuit: Me: So, what do you do for a living? Her: I flip houses. Me: You must have incredible lower back strength. Her: You're an idiot.