@AndrewNadeau0: If you can't think of a word say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
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@steeve_again: Me: this math stuff isn’t gonna help us in the real world [20 years later] Boss: ok lift on three Me: oh shit
@foodfacenow: *crashes through ceiling into kitchen* Wife:You were doing karate in the attic again weren't you Me:*panting* No *nunchucks hit me in face*
@shutupmikeginn: [ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that. [laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now
@briangaar: Looking at the smoldering corpses of his enemies, Harry Potter thought "damn magic is dope as hell." #LastLinesFromGreatBooks