@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
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@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
@TechnicallyRon: Aliens: "Take us to your leader" "No" "What" "Look we've made some mistakes" "Just take..." "It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"
@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.