@ClassicMegan: If you don't open your mouth when you yawn, you're a monster. I'm serious. Let that demon go. You're freaking everybody out.
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@DiamondLou69: My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.
@caperbc75: "Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!" - the Abdominal Snowman
@yerpalmildsauce: Here it is, folks: "Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?"
@juliussharpe: At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.