@careworn: If you don't want me to sing at your kids then don't name them Roxanne.
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@panmidwest: FRIEND: where do you work ME: I can't tell you FRIEND: really? like it's top secret? ME [unemployed]: correct
@briancthayer: Seeing a stuffed deer head on a wall makes me imagine its legs in the next room, just flailing around wildly.
@Momfia: The only reason an IKEA kitchen will last you 25 years is because it takes 23 years to put it together