@careworn: If you don't want me to sing at your kids then don't name them Roxanne.
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@Kyle_Lippert: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1) Put a saddle on it 2) Get on 3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire 4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!
@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties
@bencoffeehall: I have learned to accept that my parents are "Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses.