@SergioValenCo: If you don't want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
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@ArfMeasures: ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal
@GringoBrulee: Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate
@Reverend_Scott: [Ouija Board] "Oh great spirits tell me ur secrets" Ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ ｄｉｅ ｓｏｏｎ "OMG HOW" Ｈｏｌｄ ｏｎ Ｉ ｈａｖｅ ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ ｃａｌｌ
@BillDixonish: Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone "what are you supposed to be?" without triggering an existential crisis.