@SergioValenCo: If you don't want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
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@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words! "Say dada!" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*
@Johngcole: Scientist: The eclipse will be just like this... People: Wow, you were right. Scientist: Now about climate change People: Shut up egghead
@MelissaJoy33: I love being a mom. I just left the vacuum running in front of my teenagers door until he woke up. Should have done what I asked, lil shit!
@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.