@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
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@xLiserx: *Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*
@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.
@seethenare: age 9- *jumps off fences, feels fine* age 19- *jumps off garage on a dare, feels fine* age 39- *takes Aleve cuz I "slept funny"