@DowntimeDad: If you drop a peanut in a shag rug forget it, let it go.
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@bigmacher: As long as Apple doesn't announce Ben Affleck as the new iPhone I think everything is going to be OK.
@JohnLyonTweets: My sports-obsessed ex-wife didn't ask me for a divorce. She told me she was trading me for a player to be named later.
@daveexplosm: The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too.
@Tha6God: I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?