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@mjkspeaks: If you eat guns, you'll sweat bullets.
@BritXNic: I had an affair with English. Since then, Math and I don't speak.
@NYC_Blonde: I'm not as tweet as you drunk I am think.
@Midgetspar: After 9 months and 347 pics of you being pregnant you REALLY only need to post one pic of the baby as proof.
We believe you.
@AndrewChamings: 2015: I can't believe people think the dress is blue and black
2016: I hope the human race doesn't destroy itself forever in violent chaos
@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.