@Bob_Janke: If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking "ghosts" questions.
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@ProdigyNelson: [aquarium] Me: "That's a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank." Guide: "it's octopi." Me: "Oh..that's a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank."
@TheHyyyype: [about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?
@DaddyJew: 6: can u get me a drink? Me: no, you're 6yo. You can get your own drink 6: fine *goes to fridge Me: while ur there can u grab me a beer?