@Bob_Janke: If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking "ghosts" questions.
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@semple42: There's this woman in my office who is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and she reeks of tequi......ok it's me.
@macchiatonumb: *Me getting pulled over* Me:license and registration please? Guy police officer :I pulled u over.. Me:do u really want to argue with me?
@ericacanrant: 911? Yes, I was making donuts and... yes, donuts... yes, I'll hold. DAMN YOU GUYS ARE FAST!
@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."