@Bunnydurden: If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that shit.
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@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
@FinallyHeSleeps: My kids heard, "Sorry. Life is over as you know it. May as well curl up and die." What she said was, "Sorry, our shake machine is down."
@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.