@GrantTanaka: If you ever see me on my death bed, please take me off my death bed & move me to my alive bed thx
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@WheelTod: Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife
@JohnLyonTweets: I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now.
@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.