@AimeeHelene1: If you ever see me wearing anything fur lined or faux fur, please punch the person I'm with in the face. I've been kidnapped & need saved!!
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@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
@chelliet22: I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film.
@noog: Hand 2 toddlers a poisoned cookie and tell them not to eat it, then leave for a day. Some would call that stupid. The Bible calls it Genesis
@EyeSeeYou619: Having a bummer day? Here's an out of context Spider-man comic book scene that made me laugh.