@KenJennings: If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called "Royal Jordanian Airways" instead of "Air Jordan"
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@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
@kelkulus: The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.