@grimpossible: If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life.
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@MJMcKean: Restaurant chain commercials should run the disclaimer "Actual food might not tumble and splash in slow motion".
@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."
@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft