@stacetoned: If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you.
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@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@QuiteQuietOne: Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
@Marlebean: I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?