@Wakenbake77: If you find a fry on the floor and you don't share it with me, we can't be friends. Don't touch me. Monster.
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@krisv_723: *Watching tv* Him: wtf are you eating? Me: Cotton candy. *stuffing more in my mouth* The attic is full of it but I think it's stale.
@ShanaRose21: Imagine if Trump becomes President and we are invaded by aliens. Alien: Take us to your leader. America: *Looks ashamed* Are you sure?
@slaughthie: Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say "well, she was always kind of like this."