@OfficeofSteve: If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart
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@UncleDuke1969: "Daddy, are vampires real?" "No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*
@theshamingofjay: Growing a beard comes from laziness. If you ladies think that's sexy I have some laundry on my bedroom floor that'll turn you on.