@OfficeofSteve: If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart
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@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.
@DaddyJew: If you had a choice between owning a dragon or world peace, what would you name your dragon?
@WhatevaConc: The word résumé has fireworks coming out of it to help with the pronunciation yet we're left to fend for ourselves with colonel?
@moooooog35: Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early.