@shutupmikeginn: If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?
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@KalvinMacleod: Genie: 1st wish ME: I wish for a pen G: #2 M: another pen G: wtf M: I already lost the 1st pen G: and ur 3rd M: ur not going to believe this
@Epygma: [Dads birthday] "Make a wish Dad" *Dad blows out candles *Looks around *Looks @ wife Where did our son go? -What son? *Dad cries with joy
@trevso_electric: Remember: tomorrow is TOPLESS TUESDAY no matter what human resources tells you.
@KalvinMacleod: If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero.