@comedyfish: If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach
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@rolldiggity: 1. Invite snowmen into your conference room. 2. Turn up heat. 3. Negotiate on YOUR terms.
@sarcasm_inc: *waiter lays down my plate* "Can I get u anything else?" U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC- *he rotates my plate* oh ok
@hazelmotes1: Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*
@AustinSommer: If you spin an oriental person around until they get dizzy, do they become disoriented? #LifeQuestions