@Sassafrantz: If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you.
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@david8hughes: Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look
@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@ihateitmunky: Date Her: OMG my dad keeps texting me he's so annoying Me: [hoping to impress her] yeah he's a piece of shit