@Sassafrantz: If you go to the zoo and he doesn't help you steal a monkey, he's not that into you.
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@DarthPutinKGB: Men who claim to only watch the #SuperBowl for the ads are the same ones who say they only read Playboy for the articles.
@JT_IV_: What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
@tastefactory: "What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*