@ValeeGrrl: If you guys need me I'll be strutting confidently through a parking lot toward a car that turns out not to be mine.
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@MelvinofYork: I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only “disappointed” in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there
@Lisabug74: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
@juskewitch: The most troubling examples of sexism, homophobia and racism that I've ever heard are things I've said driving on the New Jersey Turnpike.
@tastefactory: My wife caught me looking at a seagull at the beach so now we're in this big fight.