@Lisa_Laughs_: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
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@RykWeston: The girl at the Baskins-Robbins thinks Leonardo da Vinci was "in that Titanic movie". Now my ice cream tastes like stupid.
@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.
@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@JohnsonDiaz21: A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.