@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
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@DancesWithTamis: Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they're the only person watching you
@batkaren: I lovingly caress my belly. "You're expecting?" a woman asks. I smile serenely. "Just ate an amazing burrito," I tell her.
@pleatedjeans: [angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you
@Tmoney68: I don't care which way you swing, guy wearing a Tapout t-shirt & Capri pants, but you've GOT to make a choice.