@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
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@LuckoftheDraw86: "Every child's a gift." "Your 'gift' is eating his own boogers right now." "..." "I hope you saved the receipt."
@highwayhooligan: I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?" *20 minutes later* Me: "No."
@ArfMeasures: MURDERER: [looking for me] You better of hidden well or you're dead ME: [under bed, tears in my eyes] It's better HAVE