@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
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@TheTweetOfGod: All human beings are threads interwoven in the great tapestry of life, except for that one guy at your office. What the hell is his problem?
@Barack_and_Joe: When your homie hyped you up to talk to a girl and you look back one last time before risking it all.
@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
@jake_lach: Holy shit. I just realized this sales kid is treating me this way because he thinks I'm old