@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@WheelTod: [Outside ER] Cop: “Sir, can you describe the vehicle that struck you?” Me: “Absolutely. It was some kind of horseless carriage. A roaring metallic dragon with wheels instead of legs, with bright skin shimmering in the sunlight, passing foul vapors out its rear.”