@amishschool: If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
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@Rollinintheseat: Please, person who just said "libary", tell me more about what an avid reader you are.
@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
@Token_Geezer: Paul McCartney wrote 'Yesterday' But he also wrote 'Obla-de-obla-da' and 'Ebony and Ivory' So, don't worry if some of your tweets are shit