@SamGrittner: If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, "this'll do"
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@KentWGraham: Things that don’t exist: 1. Fairies 2. Elves 3. Gnomes 4. Trolls 5. Whatever item my wife sends me to the grocery store to get
@BastardProphet: I don't have many enemies because I'm funny and sweet and they all died in mysterious fires.