@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
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@IamEnidColeslaw: drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?
@Ristolable: "DO NOT HIT ME. THE TURTLES DO NOT HIT SPLINTER. I AM SPLINTER TO YOU." -real thing I just said to my son
@cookiejartales: In grocery store & guy grabs my hand,starts to walk.I go with him, till he turns & realizes I'm not his wife.We broke it off...Single again
@treydayway: I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning...gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.