@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
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@briancthayer: Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain.
@ChrisHallbeck: An audiobook that is 8 hours of breathing and page turning with a surprised “Oh, out loud?” right at the end.
@bobvulfov: [speed dating] DATE: ding ME: did u just make the ding sound with ur mouth DATE: no ME: we have 4 minutes left DATE: *louder this time* ding