@thedaisycomplex: If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it's doubtful you'd advise me to be "on it".
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@jimmytorosian: Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that.
@JasonLastname: If I could meet any celebrity it might have to be David Schwimmer. In a schwimming pool. Learning how to schwim.
@TheMichaelRock: The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.