@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
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@mattZillaaaa: Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship
@WheelTod: Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering "Aren't you too pretty to be a Chancellor?"
@Smooheed: *tries to flirt* *twirls hair in fingers* *fingers get caught in giant knot* *learns to live using only one arm*
@Ristolable: Did you see that? That's the third time she came over here. I think she likes me. "This is Applebee's and she is our waitress"