@amyisforawesome: If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
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@Tmoney68: Me: What kind of Dr. treats men who won't talk on the phone? GF: What? M: A Guy-no-call-ogist. GF: I'm killing u in ur sleep tonight.
@T_Bonezzz_: My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know
@simoncholland: Like on Amazon or in our house? [My response when my wife asks me if I can find something for her]
@shawn_spree: If it wasn't for the internet, I would think "12 Years A Slave" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage.