@EndhooS: If you legally change your name to 'You're Free to Go' then it's impossible to get arrested.
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@iGreenMonk: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg* *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done..
@PanicRestroom: It's like grandma always said... In a car with a sunroof, you have more room for your legs
@heatherlarson77: Whenever someone says they did something "like a boss" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it.
@pharmasean: Macklemore was pretty far ahead of me in terms of self-awareness. When I was in the third grade I literally thought I might be a thundercat.