@ChipKellysBalls: If you look in the mirror & say "pumpkin spice latte" 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall
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@hotmessminushot: I don't quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don't even like 15 people altogether in my life.
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: *staring into my eyes* Whatcha thinking about? ME: *daydreaming about dogs on trampolines* Just you, girl.
@LindaInDisguise: I just referred to tongs as 'food tweezers' in case you want to be in awe of my command of the English language.