@claire_mudie: If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser.
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@NicCageMatch: Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere.
@InternetHippo: ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise
@TheThomason: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real.