@VerifiedDrunk: If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing.
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@GreatestWeight: I can't come into work. I opened a cursed sarcophagus and now I gotta put a pharaoh's soul to rest. I DUNNO, TAD, I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY
@AmericanGent69: Me: Finally, time to sleep! Brain: ahem Me: oh God please no Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.
@EhhBartt: I RT a bunch of awesome stuff. nnBecause its funny. And I needed to hide my tweets from last night.