@aliterative: If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, detonate the explosive collar.
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@Brampersandon_: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol
@KalvinMacleod: [speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*