@3sunzzz: If you love someone, let them go.
If they don't come back, get a dog.
@SadieSkyNinja: "Wow, more ABBA. Shocking."
-anyone on road trips with me
@greg_vee: If intelligence runs in your family, I can only guess it tripped and fell before it got to you.
@GrantTanaka: [dog park]
Dog: omg I just found out I’m adopted
Other Dogs: [barking in shock]
@fro_vo: Me [at the stove for 14 hours]: well it's true, a watched pot never boils
Wife: you're supposed to put water in it
@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.