@LizHackett: If you marry someone a few years older, one thing they love is when any classic rock song comes on and you ask "Is this Led Zeppelin?"
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@hythemafia: Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless
@rockymomax: [Jesus entering surf contest] Judge: What type of board will you be riding? Jesus: [looks at feet] They're using boards?
@Hormonella: So Mother Theresa puts a dish towel on her head and she's a "saint" but when I put a dish towel on MY head I'm "drunk in the kitchen again?"