@the_kizzle: if you meet an american who knows anything about the metric system, you have met a drug user.
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@onion_an: Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer? Detective: He's white Other detective: A muscular build Me: He kills people
@pumpkin_horse: *lays down on memory foam mattress* mattress: remember that time you pooped your pants in 3rd grade? me: I regret buying you
@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"