@the_kizzle: if you meet an american who knows anything about the metric system, you have met a drug user.
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@eudaimonium: Those who carry teensy cute purses shouldn't throw stones at those who wear cargo shorts, because I can carry more stones.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?
@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.