@RdrJay47: If you offer me celery I'll use it as it was originally intended, to beat you with.
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@HeyZeus666: At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: I wonder what song The Little Mermaid was singing when she viciously ripped a clam in half to make that cute bikini top
@OneFunnyMummy: My kids and I are exact opposites. They cry when I walk away, and I cry when they walk towards me.
@daemonic3: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go