@Taylormatronics: If you play Stairway to Heaven backwards does it become Highway to Hell?
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Lady is being robbed] "Help, Social Media Man!" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]
@Spaziotwat: Survivor 1: "Help! I can't swim! I'm drowning!" Survivor 2: "I have a buoy, friend."
@FeelingEuphoric: Dating tip: Before you think he's attractive—stop, breathe, and take a moment to think... is he attractive, or is he just a bowl of lasagna?
@AdrianYoung10: I've just found a mole on my shoulder. I don't know how he got out of the garden but he's cute.