@ShutUpThatsWho: If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia.
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@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(
@chuuew: FARMER: can I help you, sir? ME: this ain't my first rodeo, buddy FARMER: [narrows eyes] ME: ok maybe it is [climbs off sheep]
@QwertyJones3: But my sandwich is so dry! "Sorry sir, that's not what we do here at the Mayo Clinic."
@OtherDanOBrien: Dentist: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you wanna keep! *I start flossing his teeth* D: Um... Me: These are mine now