@vinfury: If you play your cards right, I could be your 2nd and 4th husband.
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@truegritrumble: BABY: *cries* ME: Get in line, buddy. PUPPY: *cries* ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?
@RdrJay47: You all think your dad's cargo shorts are lame until you need to smuggle some Reese's Pieces into the movie theater.
@ericsshadow: HER: your phone is exacerbating our problems *i pick up my phone* HER: your behavior is untenable "hold on I'm still googling exacerbate"
@OtherDanOBrien: *reads an article on a subject I know* This is bullshit *reads an article on a subject I don't know* If it's published it must be accurate