@vinfury: If you play your cards right, I could be your 2nd and 4th husband.
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@Playing_Dad: "Daddy, why is it dark at night?" It gives the ghosts and zombies a time to run around and collect little kids. Goodnight, hunny.
@Darlainky: My 16-year-old wants to know how old he needs to be before I remove the window-lock safety feature on the car. My 21-year-old says she’d love to know too.
@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account