@crunchenhancer: If you pour two beers in one glass, it's just one beer.
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@lecalabara: Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that.
@Donna_McCoy: My new table from Ikea is actually just the unopened box with a tablecloth thrown over it.
@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.