@crunchenhancer: If you pour two beers in one glass, it's just one beer.
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@Steelers1972: Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
@ojedge: DOCTOR: "Ok, now PUSH!" WOMAN IN LABOUR: "Should I be doing this in my state?" DR: [leaning out of car window] "Less talky, more pushy."
@tricycle_champ: [walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no