@SteelFontana: If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They'll thank you later.
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@tastefactory: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real
@KeetPotato: wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?
@DurtMcHurtt: Hobos are like cats, they'll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.