@SteelFontana: If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They'll thank you later.
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@angeliav68: The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights... I bet he's pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven." -Kristoff
@joe_binkley: (Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?
@markleggett: You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on "cheat days" when you can eat as many as you like.
@SamuelHLowe: Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job.
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