@Dawn_M_: If you say "guess who died?" with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry.
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@mbichaela: me [to snail on ceiling]: ah ure a cute lil guy how'd u get up there? snail: I just want to die pls why do I have to be so sticky
@JohnFDaley: There must've been a good reason Zimmerman pulled a gun on his wife. Like, maybe she was walking down the street, minding her own business.
@markleggett: You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on "cheat days" when you can eat as many as you like.
@misfarber: *rearranges underwear drawer* Neighbor: the party's downstairs. Please get out of my room