@Dawn_M_: If you say "guess who died?" with a big smile on your face some people get kinda angry.
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@FatherWithTwins: I forgot my phone... 2005: I don't need to be that accessible 2010: Let's make this a short trip 2015: OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
@KaRaRacn75: Don't be alarmed when you're knocking on the Gates of hell and the devil doesn't answer....He is dealing with me.
@ArfMeasures: SKETCH ARTIST: *holds up drawing of a single bit of straw* CAMEL: [in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes] That's him!
@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
@brdeprima: A salad is just a bowl of all the things I take off my hamburger.
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