@ericacanrant: If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF
@Donna_McCoy: Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, "I got you a present!"
@eminmien: "There's nothing wrong with being single." No. "I've got plenty of time." Sure. "I'm not lonely." Sir, are you going to buy anything?