@ericacanrant: If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.
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@TheRealRHB: Feeding some weed to the turkey so it will already be baked when we kill it... Will save sooo much time !
@LMHPhotog: *bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten
@k_lli: It turns out the only way to get my kids to flush the toilet is for me to be showering when they use it.