@PeterClayton6: If you say 'my cocaine' really loudly, you will sound exactly like Michael Caine saying his own name. I will never get tired of this.
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@TheToddWilliams: STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests… STICK BUG WIFE: …and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick
@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby? Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.
@TheMichaelRock: Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.