@MdUNH: If you see a white guy in earbuds convulsing angrily with T. Rex arms, don't freak out. I'm just jamming out to Eminem.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Judging by this sunburn, I'd say the sunscreen I lathered on earlier was SPF goddamn liar.
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@01CandyQueen: Bae: come over Me: do you have food? Bae: my parents aren't home Me: Are they gonna come back with food?
@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~ Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer. *places sea cucumber on table*